If you live in the lower 48, I believe there are few things in life as exciting as fresh fallen snow. I remember as a four year old making my way downstairs from our North Seattle home to fetch my dad the morning paper. Upon opening the door that early December day I was surprised beyond words by the precious little tufts of white floating to their final destination.
My immediate reaction being to bolt back up the stairs to tear into my sleeping sisters room and scream at the top of my lungs that it was ‘SNOWING’. She being tired of my pranks and calling wolf, rolled over, pulled her pillow over her head and grunted, ‘Go away, you’re annoying’. In my glee, I continued to prompt an excited response and attempt to motivate her to rise, get dressed, and come see for herself. She continued her abjection to my assertions and stated, ‘There’s no way it’s snowing. It’s way too warm and it wasn’t snowing last night when we went to bed’. Of which I replied, well then I’m not sure exactly what it’s doing but it’s falling from the sky and there’s lots of it…and it’s white! She got up.
Perhaps I’m presumptuous in stating the entire 48 feeling the excitement of snow as those in Buffalo, Minneapolis, Cleveland or Denver, may not share my enthusiasm. But if you’re from and or living in Seattle, snow in the city is a BIG deal. If you’re a skeptic, all one need do is turn on the local news with even the remote prospect snow is on the horizon; you’d think that Jesus himself had sent a press release on his eminent arrival.
When the fallen snow reaches a depth of one inch (or less), you can count on Jim Forman of KING 5 news to be perched at the base of Queen Anne Hill donned in parka, stocking cap, and gloves, sensationalizing the event with his chirping quips, “The best advice is, IF you don’t need to go out…DON’T. Live from lower Queen Anne, I’m Jim Forman’. It’s a joke but it does sell advertising and after all, when it comes to local news, what else is there. I digress.
My point is, Seattleites are forewarned and if we were to receive half of the snow storms the local meteorologists forecast, we’d receive more snow than the North pole. It’s that ridiculous. But as I say, it boosts ratings and thus revenue.
When my kids were seven & eight respectively, we received one of those wonderful winter storms. The conditions were perfect the night before and one could see the dull gray sheet of cloud cover roll in from the west and anyone with any Seattle heritage, knew exactly what was in store. The temperatures were sub freezing and not remotely affected by the warmth the cloud cover many times presents.
With the impending storm, the kids were excited as only kids can be at the prospect of playing in the snow with the bonus of having school cancelled. It doesn’t get much better when you’re single digits and able to maneuver a sled all by yourself.
That night, I got on the computer and sent mail to my employees and informed them to not attempt to make their way to the office. Seattle comes to a complete standstill with even the slightest amount of white on its roads and what would be a normal commute of 20 – 30 minutes can easily turn into a four or five hour affair. With everyone with laptops, it was a no brainer as we could still function without being physically in our collective offices.
The next morning we awakened to a blanket of pure delight; 4 – 5 inches of untracked velvety white stuff. As far as the eye can see.
The kids wolfed down their breakfast while their mother struggled to pull coats, boots, hats and gloves over their excitement. The sense of urgency filled the room and expanded to every corner of the room. Boom, they were out the door with shouts of joy and sleds in hand.
We were fortunate on snow days as we lived at the bottom of a dead-end street with a very short but steep hill at the end of our long setback driveway. It was the perfect run for kids their age as one didn’t need to walk too terribly far or long and still be able to experience an amazingly fast ride. But it was steep and even at a young age, a dozen treks in 5 inches of snow with snow gear and sled in tow up that hill was a meaningful workout.
My wife summoned me out the door that morning to share the experience of all that was good; family, snow, kids, dogs, & the joy that all that brings. I was still in my night clothes and told her I’d be ‘right’ out but wanted to check email first to make sure nothing was on fire.
I found my way into the home office on the opposite side of the house and proceeded to read and respond to several dozen emails that had materialized in my inbox over night. About an hour into it, my wife appeared in the door with snow and sweat and a smile and said, ‘Are you coming? The kids are having a ball and you’re missing a great time.’ I told her I’d be right out and sunk my head back into my screen and keyboard and continued upon my merry way.
Some more time transpired and once again, Jennifer popped her snowclad self in the door. This time a bit more agitated and imploring that I need to get out from behind my computer, get dressed and get outside. Fifteen or so more minutes and I found my way downstairs to sift through the closet full of snow clothes.
Finally I appeared on the scene only to find exhausted, wet, soaked kids with red rosy cheeks. They were done and the snow that had been so pristine had taken on a different sheen. It was beginning to rain and the freshness of the early morning had begun to melt into the afternoon.
As the kids made their way to the house to warm themselves with hot chocolate, my wife looked over her shoulder back at me as she followed the kids in and quietly said, ‘You missed it’. I stood there by myself with the kids sleds in hand while the rain dripped off of my nose.
It brings me great sadness to recount this moment on so many fronts I don’t know where to start. And to chronicle it for posterity sake, only serves to deepen the crevasse I feel in my heart. I champion myself as someone who spends little time contemplating the past as I believe there’s nothing we can do to change it and as such a waste of energy. Regrets, I have few. None the less, this memory has haunted me more times than I care to admit. I remember telling myself, we’ll do it next year, it’ll happen then. Unfortunately, next year didn’t come as the kids were older and the snow didn’t appear. I missed it.
If you were to ask me and offer me a million dollars to recant what was so important to spend the morning sitting in front of my computer in lieu of sledding with my kids, I’d come up empty. Blank, couldn’t tell you. Yet I’ve been able to recount that morning with the sights, smells and memories with the clarity as if it happened this very day. So what does that say? What is important? Pounding out your email or sledding with your kids on a once in a lifetime moment? Hmmm, does it take a PHD in psychology to answer that one.
One realization I can say for certain is if I would have had cancer when it snowed that glorious day with the kids running around my feet, I can without question tell you I would have been amongst them the entire time. No questions asked. No emails returned. No excuses given nor expected.
Are you missing it? If you are, please take a moment and begin living your life as though you have cancer.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Making for an Extraordinary Day!
My close friend and life / accountability coach (June) and I have started the first of what we expect to be several life experience books. The title for the first has yet to be defined but is focused on identifying the small (and not so small) things that make for an extraordinary day.
Recently I reached out to my extended sphere of influence to ask them five things that would make their day ‘extraordinary’. What an interesting experiment this turned out to be as the answers not only shed an amazing insight from the individuals who responded but the amount of replies neared 80%. Clearly this struck a chord as I’ve not received 80% of anything for so long it’s beyond comprehension.
Before I requested the input, in a stream of consciousness, I wrote out approximately 100 items that I felt would make for an extraordinary day. All were items in my control; giving my kids an extra hug, telling them how much they mean to me, talking to a complete stranger, giving (them) a non solicited compliment, writing a story, getting a facial, sending snail mail to a friend expressing my feelings for them, going to Costco, etc. All was a great exercise and by the way is something I refer to anytime I’m feeling a bit on the dark side of the moon.
Having taken the time to write these self fulfilling prophecies down and give them a sprinkling of meaningful consideration, the next day I set out to see exactly how impactful my thoughts would make for an extraordinary experience. An outing to Costco was eminent as I was need of several household necessities that only Costco has been able to satisfy for the past several years. Off I went. And as I stated on my list, a visit to Costco makes for an extraordinary day. Call me simple (and maybe a bit sick) but I must say, I love the experience as it’s my favorite place on the planet to shop. And I’m not a shopper!
As I was strolling the aisles, I was very cognizant of all the people, sights and sounds around me. More than I can ever recall. I was on the lookout for people to talk to, see new items on the shelf, find something pleasant to observe, say hello, or just give a passerby a warm and hearty smile from a happy and content fellow Costco shopper. I filled my cart with the provisions I sought as well as a few items I absolutely didn’t need (this felt really good and Costco loves these shoppers).
When it came time to check-out, I decided to get into the line that was the longest / people with the most ‘stuff’ in their cart. That way I figured I would prolong the experience of having an extraordinary day. As I approached the counter, I noticed the young woman behind the register wearing matching eye shadow to compliment her pink and white striped blouse. You could tell this was part of her routine and was an obvious aspect in her day in which she took great pride; the pink blending perfectly into the white and vice versa.
I complimented her on her eye shadow and how she was so perfectly color coordinated. This simple gesture absolutely lit her up like a Christmas tree from ear to ear (as well as the lady who was working side by side ‘boxing’ up the goods). The latter stated, ‘She’s always like that; everyday she coordinates. Look @ her shoes!’ They both beamed and the checker told me ‘YOU JUST MADE MY DAY’ and ‘Could I come through her check stand every day and asked if I’d be back tomorrow?’
Imagine that, eye shadow! Is it really that easy to make your day ‘extraordinary’?
Next on my agenda, it was prime time for a facial. Again, for me, one makes for a day extraordinaire. I strutted off to my favorite pedicure spot in my immediate locale and decided I’d give them a shot at a facial. This was a first on that front as the shop is designed primarily for nails (but does advertise the additional spa services).
The shop is worked entirely by women; mostly Philippine & Vietnamese. All in their 20's and early 30's, work 10 - 12 hour days 6 days a week. And I mean WORK. One client after another mostly doing nails and pedicure's. And of course they have to commute an hour or so each way as they cannot afford to live close in.
The girl who gave me my facial didn't know tips from toes let alone a face. She happens to be crippled (my guess polio). She's very sweet, does her utmost best, but as I say, wouldn’t know a professional facial if it reached up and bit her in the ass. Because of her handicap she has to exert more effort than the others as its very hard for her to maneuver between the tables, chairs and the nail carts dragging her non working leg. It’s always nice to see the others pitch in wherever possible to help her in a tight space. This is a subconscious act from all participants with never a spoken word or sign of contempt.
As I laid there uncomfortably having facial massacre, I made the conscientious decision to focus on her doing her level headed best to ensure an enjoyable experience and NOT on her inability to perform the job. She asked several times throughout my comfort zone and what if anything more she might do to make it so. Bless her heart, she wanted so much to make the experience pleasurable.
Had I continued to focus on her ineptitude, I am certain I would resort myself to having a miserable time and left completely irritated and dissatisfied. But shifting my focus to one of 'let it go' and 'let it be what it is' really opened some doors for me. After all, what could I do @ this point? Get up, walk out, yell, criticize her, and refuse to pay? Yes, I could have chosen any of those alternatives. But in my moment of choice, I asked myself, will any of those options make for an extraordinary day? The resounding answer was I highly doubt it. It certainly wouldn't have made hers.
When she finished, she smiled broadly and asked me 3 questions; did I like the foot massage; did I like the warm hand wrap; did I like the way she massaged under my neck? The answer being a resounding 'YES' as I DID like all those aspects of the hour long treatment. After all, who wouldn't? Having a young, warm, friendly Asian woman rubbing your feet, hands and neck with warm oil doesn't get much better does it? She in fact had made my day ‘extraordinary’.
Life is about choices. We either choose to enjoy it or we choose to complain about it. As I say, had I chose the latter, my day would not have been extraordinary. Shifting my internal focus made it so. With the help of those around me, my eyes have been open to living an extraordinary life every day.
Recently I reached out to my extended sphere of influence to ask them five things that would make their day ‘extraordinary’. What an interesting experiment this turned out to be as the answers not only shed an amazing insight from the individuals who responded but the amount of replies neared 80%. Clearly this struck a chord as I’ve not received 80% of anything for so long it’s beyond comprehension.
Before I requested the input, in a stream of consciousness, I wrote out approximately 100 items that I felt would make for an extraordinary day. All were items in my control; giving my kids an extra hug, telling them how much they mean to me, talking to a complete stranger, giving (them) a non solicited compliment, writing a story, getting a facial, sending snail mail to a friend expressing my feelings for them, going to Costco, etc. All was a great exercise and by the way is something I refer to anytime I’m feeling a bit on the dark side of the moon.
Having taken the time to write these self fulfilling prophecies down and give them a sprinkling of meaningful consideration, the next day I set out to see exactly how impactful my thoughts would make for an extraordinary experience. An outing to Costco was eminent as I was need of several household necessities that only Costco has been able to satisfy for the past several years. Off I went. And as I stated on my list, a visit to Costco makes for an extraordinary day. Call me simple (and maybe a bit sick) but I must say, I love the experience as it’s my favorite place on the planet to shop. And I’m not a shopper!
As I was strolling the aisles, I was very cognizant of all the people, sights and sounds around me. More than I can ever recall. I was on the lookout for people to talk to, see new items on the shelf, find something pleasant to observe, say hello, or just give a passerby a warm and hearty smile from a happy and content fellow Costco shopper. I filled my cart with the provisions I sought as well as a few items I absolutely didn’t need (this felt really good and Costco loves these shoppers).
When it came time to check-out, I decided to get into the line that was the longest / people with the most ‘stuff’ in their cart. That way I figured I would prolong the experience of having an extraordinary day. As I approached the counter, I noticed the young woman behind the register wearing matching eye shadow to compliment her pink and white striped blouse. You could tell this was part of her routine and was an obvious aspect in her day in which she took great pride; the pink blending perfectly into the white and vice versa.
I complimented her on her eye shadow and how she was so perfectly color coordinated. This simple gesture absolutely lit her up like a Christmas tree from ear to ear (as well as the lady who was working side by side ‘boxing’ up the goods). The latter stated, ‘She’s always like that; everyday she coordinates. Look @ her shoes!’ They both beamed and the checker told me ‘YOU JUST MADE MY DAY’ and ‘Could I come through her check stand every day and asked if I’d be back tomorrow?’
Imagine that, eye shadow! Is it really that easy to make your day ‘extraordinary’?
Next on my agenda, it was prime time for a facial. Again, for me, one makes for a day extraordinaire. I strutted off to my favorite pedicure spot in my immediate locale and decided I’d give them a shot at a facial. This was a first on that front as the shop is designed primarily for nails (but does advertise the additional spa services).
The shop is worked entirely by women; mostly Philippine & Vietnamese. All in their 20's and early 30's, work 10 - 12 hour days 6 days a week. And I mean WORK. One client after another mostly doing nails and pedicure's. And of course they have to commute an hour or so each way as they cannot afford to live close in.
The girl who gave me my facial didn't know tips from toes let alone a face. She happens to be crippled (my guess polio). She's very sweet, does her utmost best, but as I say, wouldn’t know a professional facial if it reached up and bit her in the ass. Because of her handicap she has to exert more effort than the others as its very hard for her to maneuver between the tables, chairs and the nail carts dragging her non working leg. It’s always nice to see the others pitch in wherever possible to help her in a tight space. This is a subconscious act from all participants with never a spoken word or sign of contempt.
As I laid there uncomfortably having facial massacre, I made the conscientious decision to focus on her doing her level headed best to ensure an enjoyable experience and NOT on her inability to perform the job. She asked several times throughout my comfort zone and what if anything more she might do to make it so. Bless her heart, she wanted so much to make the experience pleasurable.
Had I continued to focus on her ineptitude, I am certain I would resort myself to having a miserable time and left completely irritated and dissatisfied. But shifting my focus to one of 'let it go' and 'let it be what it is' really opened some doors for me. After all, what could I do @ this point? Get up, walk out, yell, criticize her, and refuse to pay? Yes, I could have chosen any of those alternatives. But in my moment of choice, I asked myself, will any of those options make for an extraordinary day? The resounding answer was I highly doubt it. It certainly wouldn't have made hers.
When she finished, she smiled broadly and asked me 3 questions; did I like the foot massage; did I like the warm hand wrap; did I like the way she massaged under my neck? The answer being a resounding 'YES' as I DID like all those aspects of the hour long treatment. After all, who wouldn't? Having a young, warm, friendly Asian woman rubbing your feet, hands and neck with warm oil doesn't get much better does it? She in fact had made my day ‘extraordinary’.
Life is about choices. We either choose to enjoy it or we choose to complain about it. As I say, had I chose the latter, my day would not have been extraordinary. Shifting my internal focus made it so. With the help of those around me, my eyes have been open to living an extraordinary life every day.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
November 2nd post
I saw my ONCOLOGIST today for my tri-monthly checkup.
Per usual they took blood; looked good (no red-lines); took a chest X-ray and nothing new showed there; and had a long chat about having cancer @ this point in the process. All in all went pretty well. He prescribed an antibiotic to take for the next 7 days for my cold (and stated in the future to just call and they'll prescribe over the phone - he had to cover his entire body with a gown, face shield and gloves to see me - I also was sequestered from the rest of the cancer populace while @ SCCA because of my sniffles / cough; with a mask on - they really don't mess around).
I asked him about any new treatments on the horizon and he was fairly tight-lipped. I asked him about supplements and he said, sure, whatever you want, go for it (with a look of you're wasting your time/$ shone through his eye shield). I asked him about joining a cancer survivor group and he said, 'No' (they had pamphlets on the counter for this through Fred Hutchinson). I asked why and he said he doesn't want me hanging around other cancer patients (thinks they'd bring too much cancer reality to the situation). I told him I am using a life coach these days...he asked 'What's that?' So I told him. He thinks its great. He also wants me to up my Prozac by an extra pill / day. But he stated, he can't tell me that the cancer is not active in my body, just that he can't see it.
As I've stated in the past, I really like this guy. We covered lots of ground today and for the most part he pulls no punches. We went over my X-ray and my last CT in detail. He pointed out the entire thing and explained all that's going on and compared the two. He holds his cards tight to his chest however and really only gives me information that he wants me to have. As in he holds back the full story, I can tell. He does say, the longer I stay cancer free, the better my long term prognosis. That sounds like a 'DUH' statement but what he's saying is, the first 6 months following treatment is the most critical; the next 6 months less so and so on and so forth. It seems they work in 6 month increments for whatever reason. In case anyone lost track, I'm @ month 14. My next scheduled appointment is in January and they'll do another full blown CT.
As a part of our conversation, we got on the topic about death. Renato got somewhat philosophical and shared the history of the worlds philosophers view on existentialism and the contemplation of death and beyond. I told him I wasn't afraid of dying. He didn't believe me and stated, "Everyone is afraid to die." I told him I guess I'm not everyone as I really do not fear dying. After all, we're all going to 'die' sometime and it's up to God to decide when and how. He went on to say what if this is IT and there isn't anything else (thus the fear). If that's the case, then this is IT and we're all going to be in IT. However, I stated to him in no uncertain terms my belief in God and Jesus as our Savior. I'm very comfortable with my frame of mind around God and our Savior and left it as such with him to ponder. He didn't want to go past the what if this is IT and living in a state of being afraid of what if this is IT.
Once again, I want to point out that I believe having cancer has helped me tremendously in my state of mind. Mind you, I'm saying I'm grateful to have cancer and if it were up to me, would never had entered my body. However, I do look at it as a blessing and know that it's God's will and His will be done. That I am very comfortable with and accept in this life as such.
Per usual they took blood; looked good (no red-lines); took a chest X-ray and nothing new showed there; and had a long chat about having cancer @ this point in the process. All in all went pretty well. He prescribed an antibiotic to take for the next 7 days for my cold (and stated in the future to just call and they'll prescribe over the phone - he had to cover his entire body with a gown, face shield and gloves to see me - I also was sequestered from the rest of the cancer populace while @ SCCA because of my sniffles / cough; with a mask on - they really don't mess around).
I asked him about any new treatments on the horizon and he was fairly tight-lipped. I asked him about supplements and he said, sure, whatever you want, go for it (with a look of you're wasting your time/$ shone through his eye shield). I asked him about joining a cancer survivor group and he said, 'No' (they had pamphlets on the counter for this through Fred Hutchinson). I asked why and he said he doesn't want me hanging around other cancer patients (thinks they'd bring too much cancer reality to the situation). I told him I am using a life coach these days...he asked 'What's that?' So I told him. He thinks its great. He also wants me to up my Prozac by an extra pill / day. But he stated, he can't tell me that the cancer is not active in my body, just that he can't see it.
As I've stated in the past, I really like this guy. We covered lots of ground today and for the most part he pulls no punches. We went over my X-ray and my last CT in detail. He pointed out the entire thing and explained all that's going on and compared the two. He holds his cards tight to his chest however and really only gives me information that he wants me to have. As in he holds back the full story, I can tell. He does say, the longer I stay cancer free, the better my long term prognosis. That sounds like a 'DUH' statement but what he's saying is, the first 6 months following treatment is the most critical; the next 6 months less so and so on and so forth. It seems they work in 6 month increments for whatever reason. In case anyone lost track, I'm @ month 14. My next scheduled appointment is in January and they'll do another full blown CT.
As a part of our conversation, we got on the topic about death. Renato got somewhat philosophical and shared the history of the worlds philosophers view on existentialism and the contemplation of death and beyond. I told him I wasn't afraid of dying. He didn't believe me and stated, "Everyone is afraid to die." I told him I guess I'm not everyone as I really do not fear dying. After all, we're all going to 'die' sometime and it's up to God to decide when and how. He went on to say what if this is IT and there isn't anything else (thus the fear). If that's the case, then this is IT and we're all going to be in IT. However, I stated to him in no uncertain terms my belief in God and Jesus as our Savior. I'm very comfortable with my frame of mind around God and our Savior and left it as such with him to ponder. He didn't want to go past the what if this is IT and living in a state of being afraid of what if this is IT.
Once again, I want to point out that I believe having cancer has helped me tremendously in my state of mind. Mind you, I'm saying I'm grateful to have cancer and if it were up to me, would never had entered my body. However, I do look at it as a blessing and know that it's God's will and His will be done. That I am very comfortable with and accept in this life as such.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Live Life as Though You Have Cancer
As I stated in the previous post, it's been a year since going through the hellish experience of cancer treatment. At the end of it, I had coffee with a long time friend. She was on vacation at the time and was going over all the wonderful things she had done in the past couple of weeks and changes she had made in her life. Mainly, taking more time for herself and less on her job.
After our meeting, I headed straight to the Canal for an extended weekend of clam digging and such and on the way down, I wrote a blog entry in my head. I titled it, 'Live Life as Though You Have Cancer'. I put it to paper but after reading and rereading, I didn't feel like I captured the essence of what I wanted to say. So I shelved it, thinking I'd get back to it and make it, 'right'. Then I'd make the post...
Well, that was a year ago and I still haven't made it 'right'. So I'm going to publish it now in it's original form. It's funny, after a year has gone by it seems to be more 'right' than it was when written. Go figure. Anyway, here it is.
If you found out today you had cancer, imagine how your life would change. Step back for just a moment and contemplate the unimaginable. You are now at the beginning of a new and unchartered journey. How would your life change? Would you begin to analyze your mortality in a more urgent sense? Would things that used to seem important, become less so? Would things that seem very important take on a much greater sense of urgency?
My guess is your view of life changes. You now live far more in the now and the immediacy of it. You might view life not so much of this world but more from an eternal perspective. When you see friends and spend time with them, you can’t help but think this may be the last time you see them in this world. What used to cause anxiety in your life, is merely a mosquito buzzing about the room. Imagine not living your life in fear for tomorrow, but alive today. Remember how there was always tomorrow and how you made life harder than need be by worrying about things of this world from the realm of what if, what might be, what might happen; opposed to what is and what’s possible.
I’m sure you’ve been asked the question at some time in your life, “What would you do if you had but one day to live?” Be honest, what is your answer? Would you change anything? Would the world look different? Would you pick up the phone and tell a long lost friend or loved one something you’ve been meaning to say? Would you run to your kids room and throw your arms around them and tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you? Your parents? Siblings? Would you be a different person? Would you treat people differently? Be honest.
Give this some deep and meaningful thought. Not from a negative or sadness point of view, but from a position of walking in cancers shoes. Let the situation sink in and think hard and deep about how your life would change.
Cancer has been a blessing for me in many ways in which I’ve described. It is not a curse nor a death sentence. It’s a window to living. A very clear and fog free window on this world we live in. And a daily reminder of just how short this trip we’re on is.
I’ve come to the understanding that death and the possibility of such is easy. It’s living in this life that is hard. Really hard. And I want to challenge everyone who cares to listen to really live. And to live for today, not tomorrow. Not in the seats as a spectator but on the stage as the principal in a play.
So imagine you have cancer and choose to live life as such. You might be amazed at the possibilities that open up when you live your life from this point of view.
After our meeting, I headed straight to the Canal for an extended weekend of clam digging and such and on the way down, I wrote a blog entry in my head. I titled it, 'Live Life as Though You Have Cancer'. I put it to paper but after reading and rereading, I didn't feel like I captured the essence of what I wanted to say. So I shelved it, thinking I'd get back to it and make it, 'right'. Then I'd make the post...
Well, that was a year ago and I still haven't made it 'right'. So I'm going to publish it now in it's original form. It's funny, after a year has gone by it seems to be more 'right' than it was when written. Go figure. Anyway, here it is.
Live Life as Though You Have Cancer
If you found out today you had cancer, imagine how your life would change. Step back for just a moment and contemplate the unimaginable. You are now at the beginning of a new and unchartered journey. How would your life change? Would you begin to analyze your mortality in a more urgent sense? Would things that used to seem important, become less so? Would things that seem very important take on a much greater sense of urgency?
My guess is your view of life changes. You now live far more in the now and the immediacy of it. You might view life not so much of this world but more from an eternal perspective. When you see friends and spend time with them, you can’t help but think this may be the last time you see them in this world. What used to cause anxiety in your life, is merely a mosquito buzzing about the room. Imagine not living your life in fear for tomorrow, but alive today. Remember how there was always tomorrow and how you made life harder than need be by worrying about things of this world from the realm of what if, what might be, what might happen; opposed to what is and what’s possible.
I’m sure you’ve been asked the question at some time in your life, “What would you do if you had but one day to live?” Be honest, what is your answer? Would you change anything? Would the world look different? Would you pick up the phone and tell a long lost friend or loved one something you’ve been meaning to say? Would you run to your kids room and throw your arms around them and tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you? Your parents? Siblings? Would you be a different person? Would you treat people differently? Be honest.
Give this some deep and meaningful thought. Not from a negative or sadness point of view, but from a position of walking in cancers shoes. Let the situation sink in and think hard and deep about how your life would change.
Cancer has been a blessing for me in many ways in which I’ve described. It is not a curse nor a death sentence. It’s a window to living. A very clear and fog free window on this world we live in. And a daily reminder of just how short this trip we’re on is.
I’ve come to the understanding that death and the possibility of such is easy. It’s living in this life that is hard. Really hard. And I want to challenge everyone who cares to listen to really live. And to live for today, not tomorrow. Not in the seats as a spectator but on the stage as the principal in a play.
So imagine you have cancer and choose to live life as such. You might be amazed at the possibilities that open up when you live your life from this point of view.
It's been a year!
How quickly a year passes. Truly amazing and as we grow older, each year appears to be passing more quickly than the last. That said, it's been a year almost to the day that I completed my chemo / radiation treatment at SCCA. Much has transpired and for the most part, all has been good.
My last tri-monthly appointment this month with Dr. Martins was consistent. Again, he popped into the room brimming ear to ear with a smile stating, 'The CT looks good; lymph's, mass no larger (only scar tissue), and the radiologist was having a very, very good day'. He then read the report verbatim and yes, the radiologist was having a good day. You could hear it through the Dr. speak and terminology.
Back to the year and all that has transpired. When I completed my treatment, I was left with the information from my surgeon that I had approximately a year to live. That was from my appointment with him in July following the surgery. So, a little quick math will tell you nine months give or take. And in that time, what would my condition be like. You've probably seen the pictures and / or known someone you've seen deteriorate with cancer and what their condition looks like. Would I be able to function, would I be bedridden, hospice,walk, on oxygen, pills, shots, more hospitalization, move, function, etc. All ever present thoughts.
I set an objective and number one was, get as close to my kids, family and friends as possible. For my kids, I wanted to be with them in the time I have and enjoy each others company to the fullest. I felt that it would be much better to leave them (if in fact I was to leave this world) with memories in lieu of inheritance. So I started booking trips with them one on one in order to connect solely with each other with new, memorable and interesting experiences.
First, Riley and I headed off to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins. The latter didn't appear when we set out to be amongst them but he and I made up for it in many other ways. Next, Emily and I headed to NYC & WDC. We had a blast and it was great being in those two cities over the Thanksgiving holiday time frame.
During the holiday season, I travelled to Los Angeles to be with my folks, sister/brother in law, and several past friends from my days in LA. We got my folks settled into a great assisted care living situation and although my dad was in the hospital much of this time, it was great being there and being close, in a way that I can only describe as uplifting. It was special in all senses of the word.
When my dad was home from the hospital, I stayed @ my folks place and he and I shared his bed a couple of nights. To wake in the morning and be able to reach over and put my arm around him and give him a hug, was truly something special. I was still his little boy and he my dad at the ripe old age of 52 and 83 respectively.
I travelled back and forth between Seattle, LA & San Fran for much of the remainder of the winter and spring to be with my folks, sister and friends as much as possible all the while staying connected with my kids at home. I even made my way to Hong Kong as well as a cruise out of Seattle to Alaska (two things I had never done; go on a cruise and go to Alaska). I have now been in all 50 states (many on multiple occasions) and I feel very good about that accomplishment.
Once summer arrived, it was time to head off with the kids again and be with them as much as possible. Riley and I went to Alaska to go fishing and Emily & I went to San Francisco for shopping and then returned to Hawaii to lounge amongst the surfers and the waves. We also made trips to Hood Canal on several weekends for geoducks and clams between their respective camps.
At the end of the day (or year if you will), it was packed full of memories. One of many experiences, encounters, new places and things to see. But most of all connecting the dots with the one thing that matters most in life, the friends and family we have around us. Objective accomplished.
I am extremely grateful to be so blessed with the people in my life, the time to share it with them, and even in my hampered state, the wherewith all to do so. I have constant reminders of life's short ride and the balancing act we must go through in living it to its fullest. I would be a liar if I told you that with all of the joy and gratitude I experienced this past year, I did not have my challenging days. They are ever present but I find them to be reminders that help me live even more. However, it's something that I stress over more than I care to admit.
I recently re-connected with a close friend of 20 years who leaves each conversation or email with, 'Make today extraordinary'. It doesn't require something big to accomplish that. Sometimes its the little things ...
Much love,
Randy
My last tri-monthly appointment this month with Dr. Martins was consistent. Again, he popped into the room brimming ear to ear with a smile stating, 'The CT looks good; lymph's, mass no larger (only scar tissue), and the radiologist was having a very, very good day'. He then read the report verbatim and yes, the radiologist was having a good day. You could hear it through the Dr. speak and terminology.
Back to the year and all that has transpired. When I completed my treatment, I was left with the information from my surgeon that I had approximately a year to live. That was from my appointment with him in July following the surgery. So, a little quick math will tell you nine months give or take. And in that time, what would my condition be like. You've probably seen the pictures and / or known someone you've seen deteriorate with cancer and what their condition looks like. Would I be able to function, would I be bedridden, hospice,walk, on oxygen, pills, shots, more hospitalization, move, function, etc. All ever present thoughts.
I set an objective and number one was, get as close to my kids, family and friends as possible. For my kids, I wanted to be with them in the time I have and enjoy each others company to the fullest. I felt that it would be much better to leave them (if in fact I was to leave this world) with memories in lieu of inheritance. So I started booking trips with them one on one in order to connect solely with each other with new, memorable and interesting experiences.
First, Riley and I headed off to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins. The latter didn't appear when we set out to be amongst them but he and I made up for it in many other ways. Next, Emily and I headed to NYC & WDC. We had a blast and it was great being in those two cities over the Thanksgiving holiday time frame.
During the holiday season, I travelled to Los Angeles to be with my folks, sister/brother in law, and several past friends from my days in LA. We got my folks settled into a great assisted care living situation and although my dad was in the hospital much of this time, it was great being there and being close, in a way that I can only describe as uplifting. It was special in all senses of the word.
When my dad was home from the hospital, I stayed @ my folks place and he and I shared his bed a couple of nights. To wake in the morning and be able to reach over and put my arm around him and give him a hug, was truly something special. I was still his little boy and he my dad at the ripe old age of 52 and 83 respectively.
I travelled back and forth between Seattle, LA & San Fran for much of the remainder of the winter and spring to be with my folks, sister and friends as much as possible all the while staying connected with my kids at home. I even made my way to Hong Kong as well as a cruise out of Seattle to Alaska (two things I had never done; go on a cruise and go to Alaska). I have now been in all 50 states (many on multiple occasions) and I feel very good about that accomplishment.
Once summer arrived, it was time to head off with the kids again and be with them as much as possible. Riley and I went to Alaska to go fishing and Emily & I went to San Francisco for shopping and then returned to Hawaii to lounge amongst the surfers and the waves. We also made trips to Hood Canal on several weekends for geoducks and clams between their respective camps.
At the end of the day (or year if you will), it was packed full of memories. One of many experiences, encounters, new places and things to see. But most of all connecting the dots with the one thing that matters most in life, the friends and family we have around us. Objective accomplished.
I am extremely grateful to be so blessed with the people in my life, the time to share it with them, and even in my hampered state, the wherewith all to do so. I have constant reminders of life's short ride and the balancing act we must go through in living it to its fullest. I would be a liar if I told you that with all of the joy and gratitude I experienced this past year, I did not have my challenging days. They are ever present but I find them to be reminders that help me live even more. However, it's something that I stress over more than I care to admit.
I recently re-connected with a close friend of 20 years who leaves each conversation or email with, 'Make today extraordinary'. It doesn't require something big to accomplish that. Sometimes its the little things ...
Much love,
Randy
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Growing Corn
Growing Good Corn
There once was a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.
One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.
"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.
"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."
He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.
So it is with our lives. Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.
It is possible to give away and become richer! It is also possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything. Yes, the liberal man shall be rich! By watering others, he waters himself.
- From the Bible,Proverbs 11:24-25
There once was a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.
One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.
"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.
"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."
He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.
So it is with our lives. Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.
It is possible to give away and become richer! It is also possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything. Yes, the liberal man shall be rich! By watering others, he waters himself.
- From the Bible,Proverbs 11:24-25
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