Several of you have had questions around my position of 'choosing' cancer over it choosing me. Please allow me to explain where I'm coming from and my position on this topic.
Choosing cancer for me is all about empowerment. Empowerment of a disease that has infected my body. If I allow the cancer to choose me then I’m giving it all the power. I’m choosing not to do that and taking away all the power from the disease.
Picture this if you will. Imagine someone holding two ice cream cones out in front of you; vanilla & chocolate. They ask, which one do you want, vanilla or chocolate? Go ahead, choose one.
Now, why did you choose the one you chose? My guess is you’ll give lot’s of ‘reasons’ why you chose one over the other. You like one flavor over the other, looks better, tastes better, fewer calories, bigger cone, more/less on one than the other, etc.
Now try it again and choose which one you want and ask yourself, why did I choose one over the other. Your answer should be I chose the one I chose because I chose it. No reason needed. As humans we get wrapped around explaining ourselves and rationalizing our subsequent decisions all the time on why we do what we do, why we need to look good, not look bad, etc. Choosing something because you CHOSE it is so much more in the moment and freeing oneself of approval or disapproval, need to or not need to, hope I will or can, etc. Who needs it? I sure don’t.
I choose cancer because I choose cancer. There’s a lesson in this that God wants me to learn from and take on from now through eternity. There is absolutely nothing I can do over having cancer as it will be with me forever / never go away (now that I’ve got it). That’s not to say that the doctors cant work their wonders to make it go into remission and prolong my life on earth but that’s the best they can do. Remission. Remission is not removal. That being the case, why would anyone want to take a position of succombing to IT and allowing IT to control oneself. I refuse to give it any such power and thus diminish it’s ability to interfere with or take away my spirit.
I hope that helps to explain where I’m coming from by choosing to have this cancer over it choosing me. It’s far more freeing and thus more powerful place to come from by being the one in charge.
Live life in lieu of life living you.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Tag from Gregg - a 45 year friend...
Hi Randy,
It was great getting together with you and Larry over lunch last week. Your candidness, compassion for others and hopeful perseverance is an inspiring testimony. To hear you tell it like it is shows you embrace reality and dignify us as listeners. It is life-giving! Thank you.
It was fun reminiscing some of the old stories – like the warm water (sewage) we found when camping. How our parents camped in that fashion is a wonder – if I recall, one outhouse and all meals were cooked, dishes washed, etc. + cleaning fish. Then us kids coming in smelling like ….. I guess I understand why the mom’s didn’t continue on that annual fishing trip.
Also, thanks for validating my early memory of you riding Flipper (Mitzy) as I vaguely recall envying you and being disappointed I got pulled in a boat because I was not old enough. You did, however, fulfill my disappointment of presenting me with the Donald Duck hat (with squeaky bill) I wanted at Six Gun Territory (I believe) about twenty-five years later. I was surprised how many seemed to know of that story of my dad offering me many other cowboy hats, but I refused – must have thrown quite a fit. Perhaps a chip off the ol’ block as Tyler wore that hat with pride golfing a few years ago.
Randy, your blog is most impressive and I am so pleased you are surrounded with loving, caring and godly people. I find it honoring to God as your faith is inspiring to so many of us. Trusting in God’s good purpose and embracing life in a adventurous fashion is how I believe we’re meant to live. And Randy, you’ve had and are having your share of adventure.
Did you and the kids make it up to Mt. Eleanor? A friend was up that way on Sunday and almost got stuck in the snow. If so, hope you all had a great time.
Keep in touch and know a call is welcome anytime. Perhaps I’ll see you when your parents visit.
I pray for your quick healing and to continue fighting with strength, vigor and humor. That is you.
Gregg
It was great getting together with you and Larry over lunch last week. Your candidness, compassion for others and hopeful perseverance is an inspiring testimony. To hear you tell it like it is shows you embrace reality and dignify us as listeners. It is life-giving! Thank you.
It was fun reminiscing some of the old stories – like the warm water (sewage) we found when camping. How our parents camped in that fashion is a wonder – if I recall, one outhouse and all meals were cooked, dishes washed, etc. + cleaning fish. Then us kids coming in smelling like ….. I guess I understand why the mom’s didn’t continue on that annual fishing trip.
Also, thanks for validating my early memory of you riding Flipper (Mitzy) as I vaguely recall envying you and being disappointed I got pulled in a boat because I was not old enough. You did, however, fulfill my disappointment of presenting me with the Donald Duck hat (with squeaky bill) I wanted at Six Gun Territory (I believe) about twenty-five years later. I was surprised how many seemed to know of that story of my dad offering me many other cowboy hats, but I refused – must have thrown quite a fit. Perhaps a chip off the ol’ block as Tyler wore that hat with pride golfing a few years ago.
Randy, your blog is most impressive and I am so pleased you are surrounded with loving, caring and godly people. I find it honoring to God as your faith is inspiring to so many of us. Trusting in God’s good purpose and embracing life in a adventurous fashion is how I believe we’re meant to live. And Randy, you’ve had and are having your share of adventure.
Did you and the kids make it up to Mt. Eleanor? A friend was up that way on Sunday and almost got stuck in the snow. If so, hope you all had a great time.
Keep in touch and know a call is welcome anytime. Perhaps I’ll see you when your parents visit.
I pray for your quick healing and to continue fighting with strength, vigor and humor. That is you.
Gregg
Monday, May 12, 2008
B James
Broady -
You are one of the luckiest people I've ever known. Lucky, gifted, charming and charmed. So of course your latest turn of events leaves me wondering how you and the universe are going to join forces to work some magic on this thing, too.
Jesus, Randy. Cancer. This is where everything you've learned your whole life, everything you've grown to be, gets challenged and put to the test. If anyone has the heart to rise above, it's you my friend.
You've always had a knack for cultivating quality relationships and I'm so happy to know you have such loving and devoted people around you. God bless Liam and Brad. I don't know them, but God bless 'em.
And now you have my daily prayers to add to the roster of many many folks who are pulling for you and sending you their love and support.
I don't know if this is the appropriate venue to catch up on what's happening in my life. Let's just say, life is treating me very well in Portland. I'm madly in love and happily married. I live in the best place on earth. I'm healthy and happy and broke most of the time. We're raising a few chicks for pets and I get to be a mother hen which is the closest to motherhood I'm going to get and that's perfectly fine with me.
Thank you for writing to me and letting me know what's happening. Randy, if you ever want some company, I'm just a few hours away. If you want to talk I'd love to hear your thoughts. We've always had a such a sweet connection even through all of the lapses in time. And here we are and this is huge and I will be there for you in any way you need me to be. Whatever you need and however your needs change. Silently, on the phone or in person. Please let me know.
Big Big Love,
BJames
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Purpose Driven Life
Rick Warren wrote ("PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE"). With his wife now having cancer and him having "wealth" from the book sales, below is an insightful short interview with the author.
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,"which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
* Happy moments, PRAISE GOD
* Difficult moments, SEEK GOD
* Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD
* Painful moments, TRUST GOD
* Every moment, THANK GOD
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,"which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
* Happy moments, PRAISE GOD
* Difficult moments, SEEK GOD
* Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD
* Painful moments, TRUST GOD
* Every moment, THANK GOD
Letter From an Old Friend - Monica
Randy -
I wanted to e-mail you and let you know that I think of you every day and pray for your healing. I have enjoyed reading your blog and I am struck with how God has formed your vibrant soul, which is larger in personality than you are in physical form.
What a blessing to be formed by God in such a way that you have the ability to bring life into a room, situation, event etc. My father was that way. It is a much needed gift in this world. He had a purity of heart, an ability to give that people need. I see that talent in you.
Randy, I am in your corner. I believe that God can heal.
Monica
Hi Moni,
So great to hear from you after all this time. Funny how it takes an illness to bring us back together after all these years but that's the beauty of God and how HE likes to work. I'm so very blessed to have the people in my corner through this it's sometimes daunting to make the connection. But I am grateful.
Charlotte Graham and I have been back in touch for over a year and what a true blessing that has been. We've really become quite good friends and I enjoy her more every day she's in my life. What a true loving soul she is and again, I'm so very grateful God brought her back into my world as the connection runs deep.
Carol had /has so many good friends (although at the time I thought they were only put on earth to tease me) and it's good to hear from / see them again.
Thank you for reaching out and making the re-connection. You were always one of my favorites on my sisters team with your non assuming demeanor, genuineness and easy going fun loving style. Your smile remains an infectious image etched in my soul to this day. I still recall the night you, Sheri Knosum (sp) & Carol played Barbies in Carol's room. That picture still runs deep with the innocence, fun and smiles in your high school hearts ...
Much love and please stay in touch.
Wishing you all that is good,
Randy
I wanted to e-mail you and let you know that I think of you every day and pray for your healing. I have enjoyed reading your blog and I am struck with how God has formed your vibrant soul, which is larger in personality than you are in physical form.
What a blessing to be formed by God in such a way that you have the ability to bring life into a room, situation, event etc. My father was that way. It is a much needed gift in this world. He had a purity of heart, an ability to give that people need. I see that talent in you.
Randy, I am in your corner. I believe that God can heal.
Monica
Hi Moni,
So great to hear from you after all this time. Funny how it takes an illness to bring us back together after all these years but that's the beauty of God and how HE likes to work. I'm so very blessed to have the people in my corner through this it's sometimes daunting to make the connection. But I am grateful.
Charlotte Graham and I have been back in touch for over a year and what a true blessing that has been. We've really become quite good friends and I enjoy her more every day she's in my life. What a true loving soul she is and again, I'm so very grateful God brought her back into my world as the connection runs deep.
Carol had /has so many good friends (although at the time I thought they were only put on earth to tease me) and it's good to hear from / see them again.
Thank you for reaching out and making the re-connection. You were always one of my favorites on my sisters team with your non assuming demeanor, genuineness and easy going fun loving style. Your smile remains an infectious image etched in my soul to this day. I still recall the night you, Sheri Knosum (sp) & Carol played Barbies in Carol's room. That picture still runs deep with the innocence, fun and smiles in your high school hearts ...
Much love and please stay in touch.
Wishing you all that is good,
Randy
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The week following Chemo session #2
A quick note to let you know how this past week has gone since my 2nd treatment. In a word, different than the first. As in more challenging. I've felt weaker and more nauseated this week with the worst days being Sat & Sun (same as last go around). Difference is this lingered a bit more and just plain wore me out by mid / end of the day. Sleep hasn't been my best friend @ night either.
All in all though, if this is the worst they throw me, I'm still in good shape. There's a cancer rumor running around that the worse you feel with chemo, the better it's working. Don't know that I buy into that one and my Dr. just smiled when I mentioned it, but if it's the case, I'm on my road to recovery.
The other is that with each treatment, you feel a bit more of the negative effects as well. Again, my Dr. told me my symptoms following should be similar to the first...well, they weren't. The second one was definitely more intense from a feeling crappy most of the time than the first.
Again the good news, it's been a week and I feel better with each passing day. So I'm looking forward to that course of action continuing. I can handle feeling like a pile of Sahara desert beetle dung for a week to get the cancer out of my body, that's for sure.
I'm planning on taking the kids and their friends along with our trusted guide Jim next weekend on a snow hike up in the Olympics. Jim knows of a natural snow shoot similar to a toboggan run where you can slide down on your rump and Riley's had his heart set on this since last fall. Hopefully the stars will align and we'll all be careening down the slope ice ax in hand and snow a flying in a rooster tail as we flail around like a bunch of snow monkeys. It's apparently about a 1500' slide...full report when I'm back.
Best to all. Two down, one to go...
All in all though, if this is the worst they throw me, I'm still in good shape. There's a cancer rumor running around that the worse you feel with chemo, the better it's working. Don't know that I buy into that one and my Dr. just smiled when I mentioned it, but if it's the case, I'm on my road to recovery.
The other is that with each treatment, you feel a bit more of the negative effects as well. Again, my Dr. told me my symptoms following should be similar to the first...well, they weren't. The second one was definitely more intense from a feeling crappy most of the time than the first.
Again the good news, it's been a week and I feel better with each passing day. So I'm looking forward to that course of action continuing. I can handle feeling like a pile of Sahara desert beetle dung for a week to get the cancer out of my body, that's for sure.
I'm planning on taking the kids and their friends along with our trusted guide Jim next weekend on a snow hike up in the Olympics. Jim knows of a natural snow shoot similar to a toboggan run where you can slide down on your rump and Riley's had his heart set on this since last fall. Hopefully the stars will align and we'll all be careening down the slope ice ax in hand and snow a flying in a rooster tail as we flail around like a bunch of snow monkeys. It's apparently about a 1500' slide...full report when I'm back.
Best to all. Two down, one to go...
Slow Dance - the poem
Slow Dance
This poem was written by a teenager with cancer, a terminally ill young girl in a New York hospital .
This poem was written by a teenager with cancer, a terminally ill young girl in a New York hospital .
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever
Watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
The rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
Butterfly's' erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
Night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
Fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
Do you run through each day
On the
Fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
Reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
Bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
Your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so
Fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it
Tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see
His
Sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good
Friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call
And say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance
So fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You
Miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
Through your day,
It is like an unopened
Gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a
Race.
Do take it slower
Hear the
Music
Before the song is over.
------------
--------
Have you ever
Watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
The rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
Butterfly's' erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
Night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
Fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
Do you run through each day
On the
Fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
Reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
Bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
Your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so
Fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it
Tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see
His
Sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good
Friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call
And say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance
So fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You
Miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
Through your day,
It is like an unopened
Gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a
Race.
Do take it slower
Hear the
Music
Before the song is over.
------------
--------
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