Thursday, September 24, 2009

Live Life as Though You Have Cancer

As I stated in the previous post, it's been a year since going through the hellish experience of cancer treatment. At the end of it, I had coffee with a long time friend. She was on vacation at the time and was going over all the wonderful things she had done in the past couple of weeks and changes she had made in her life. Mainly, taking more time for herself and less on her job.

After our meeting, I headed straight to the Canal for an extended weekend of clam digging and such and on the way down, I wrote a blog entry in my head. I titled it, 'Live Life as Though You Have Cancer'. I put it to paper but after reading and rereading, I didn't feel like I captured the essence of what I wanted to say. So I shelved it, thinking I'd get back to it and make it, 'right'. Then I'd make the post...

Well, that was a year ago and I still haven't made it 'right'. So I'm going to publish it now in it's original form. It's funny, after a year has gone by it seems to be more 'right' than it was when written. Go figure. Anyway, here it is.

Live Life as Though You Have Cancer

If you found out today you had cancer, imagine how your life would change. Step back for just a moment and contemplate the unimaginable. You are now at the beginning of a new and unchartered journey. How would your life change? Would you begin to analyze your mortality in a more urgent sense? Would things that used to seem important, become less so? Would things that seem very important take on a much greater sense of urgency?

My guess is your view of life changes. You now live far more in the now and the immediacy of it. You might view life not so much of this world but more from an eternal perspective. When you see friends and spend time with them, you can’t help but think this may be the last time you see them in this world. What used to cause anxiety in your life, is merely a mosquito buzzing about the room. Imagine not living your life in fear for tomorrow, but alive today. Remember how there was always tomorrow and how you made life harder than need be by worrying about things of this world from the realm of what if, what might be, what might happen; opposed to what is and what’s possible.

I’m sure you’ve been asked the question at some time in your life, “What would you do if you had but one day to live?” Be honest, what is your answer? Would you change anything? Would the world look different? Would you pick up the phone and tell a long lost friend or loved one something you’ve been meaning to say? Would you run to your kids room and throw your arms around them and tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you? Your parents? Siblings? Would you be a different person? Would you treat people differently? Be honest.

Give this some deep and meaningful thought. Not from a negative or sadness point of view, but from a position of walking in cancers shoes. Let the situation sink in and think hard and deep about how your life would change.

Cancer has been a blessing for me in many ways in which I’ve described. It is not a curse nor a death sentence. It’s a window to living. A very clear and fog free window on this world we live in. And a daily reminder of just how short this trip we’re on is.

I’ve come to the understanding that death and the possibility of such is easy. It’s living in this life that is hard. Really hard. And I want to challenge everyone who cares to listen to really live. And to live for today, not tomorrow. Not in the seats as a spectator but on the stage as the principal in a play.

So imagine you have cancer and choose to live life as such. You might be amazed at the possibilities that open up when you live your life from this point of view.

It's been a year!

How quickly a year passes. Truly amazing and as we grow older, each year appears to be passing more quickly than the last. That said, it's been a year almost to the day that I completed my chemo / radiation treatment at SCCA. Much has transpired and for the most part, all has been good.

My last tri-monthly appointment this month with Dr. Martins was consistent. Again, he popped into the room brimming ear to ear with a smile stating, 'The CT looks good; lymph's, mass no larger (only scar tissue), and the radiologist was having a very, very good day'. He then read the report verbatim and yes, the radiologist was having a good day. You could hear it through the Dr. speak and terminology.

Back to the year and all that has transpired. When I completed my treatment, I was left with the information from my surgeon that I had approximately a year to live. That was from my appointment with him in July following the surgery. So, a little quick math will tell you nine months give or take. And in that time, what would my condition be like. You've probably seen the pictures and / or known someone you've seen deteriorate with cancer and what their condition looks like. Would I be able to function, would I be bedridden, hospice,walk, on oxygen, pills, shots, more hospitalization, move, function, etc. All ever present thoughts.

I set an objective and number one was, get as close to my kids, family and friends as possible. For my kids, I wanted to be with them in the time I have and enjoy each others company to the fullest. I felt that it would be much better to leave them (if in fact I was to leave this world) with memories in lieu of inheritance. So I started booking trips with them one on one in order to connect solely with each other with new, memorable and interesting experiences.

First, Riley and I headed off to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins. The latter didn't appear when we set out to be amongst them but he and I made up for it in many other ways. Next, Emily and I headed to NYC & WDC. We had a blast and it was great being in those two cities over the Thanksgiving holiday time frame.

During the holiday season, I travelled to Los Angeles to be with my folks, sister/brother in law, and several past friends from my days in LA. We got my folks settled into a great assisted care living situation and although my dad was in the hospital much of this time, it was great being there and being close, in a way that I can only describe as uplifting. It was special in all senses of the word.

When my dad was home from the hospital, I stayed @ my folks place and he and I shared his bed a couple of nights. To wake in the morning and be able to reach over and put my arm around him and give him a hug, was truly something special. I was still his little boy and he my dad at the ripe old age of 52 and 83 respectively.

I travelled back and forth between Seattle, LA & San Fran for much of the remainder of the winter and spring to be with my folks, sister and friends as much as possible all the while staying connected with my kids at home. I even made my way to Hong Kong as well as a cruise out of Seattle to Alaska (two things I had never done; go on a cruise and go to Alaska). I have now been in all 50 states (many on multiple occasions) and I feel very good about that accomplishment.

Once summer arrived, it was time to head off with the kids again and be with them as much as possible. Riley and I went to Alaska to go fishing and Emily & I went to San Francisco for shopping and then returned to Hawaii to lounge amongst the surfers and the waves. We also made trips to Hood Canal on several weekends for geoducks and clams between their respective camps.

At the end of the day (or year if you will), it was packed full of memories. One of many experiences, encounters, new places and things to see. But most of all connecting the dots with the one thing that matters most in life, the friends and family we have around us. Objective accomplished.

I am extremely grateful to be so blessed with the people in my life, the time to share it with them, and even in my hampered state, the wherewith all to do so. I have constant reminders of life's short ride and the balancing act we must go through in living it to its fullest. I would be a liar if I told you that with all of the joy and gratitude I experienced this past year, I did not have my challenging days. They are ever present but I find them to be reminders that help me live even more. However, it's something that I stress over more than I care to admit.

I recently re-connected with a close friend of 20 years who leaves each conversation or email with, 'Make today extraordinary'. It doesn't require something big to accomplish that. Sometimes its the little things ...

Much love,

Randy

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Growing Corn

Growing Good Corn


There once was a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.
"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.

So it is with our lives. Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.

It is possible to give away and become richer! It is also possible to hold on too tightly and lose everything. Yes, the liberal man shall be rich! By watering others, he waters himself.

- From the Bible,Proverbs 11:24-25

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The best fathers day gift ever!

Riley gave me the best fathers day gift ever! Here's 53 reasons why it was...

53 reasons why I love my Dad

  1. My Dad has always been there for me.
  2. My Dad always has an answer.
  3. He always knows just what to say.
  4. He’s the best businessman I’ll ever know.
  5. He always has a new fart for me to hear.
  6. He taught me how to go clamming.
  7. He showed me no one can win a fight against Austin.
  8. He always takes me to see good movies.
  9. I never go hungry at his house.
  10. He always can make me laugh.
  11. He makes the best clam chowder.
  12. He always makes things workout.
  13. He always knows best.
  14. He always keeps me safe.
  15. He has the most interesting stories.
  16. He always makes me feel loved.
  17. He taught me to treat guests with more respect.
  18. He always is there to smell my stinkiest of farts.
  19. He taught me to always brush my teeth.
  20. He taught me to always dress nice for important people or for an important thing.
  21. He always encourages me.
  22. He never puts me down or makes me feel embarrassed.
  23. He taught me to be who I am.
  24. He’s an amazing person.
  25. He help’s me with my homework when I need help.
  26. He taught me how to ski.
  27. He taught me how to play basketball.
  28. He taught me to always have manners.
  29. He taught me how to make the best out of things.
  30. He corrects me when I say something wrong.
  31. He showed me how to make the best out of boring situations.
  32. He gets me to talk at parties.
  33. He always knows when I want to leave.
  34. He told me I am just as important as everyone else but, to him I’m the most important.
  35. He taught me never to lie because it always makes things worse.
  36. He showed me never to be judgmental until you get to know the person.
  37. He showed me a yard is the most important thing at a house.
  38. He always try’s his hardest to do what is right.
  39. He taught me to fight for what I believe in.
  40. He taught me how to forgive.
  41. He taught me how to love and be thankful.
  42. He showed me how to have patience.
  43. He showed me how to yell at something that can’t hear you.
  44. He’s the best Dad.
  45. He’s always going to back me up.
  46. He’s my best friend.
  47. He told me that he will never stop loving me and I will never stop loving him.
  48. He showed me that ladies are first.
  49. He’s the best dad anybody could have asked for.
  50. He showed me that being around wealthy people will give you goals.
  51. He taught me how to always have friendship.
  52. He’s the best salesman and negotiator I know.
  53. He’s the strongest person I know considering he’s fighting lung cancer and I know he is going to make it, and that no matter when he dies he’ll still love me.

Happy Fathers Day I Love You Dad,

Love, Riley

45 tips worth reading

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23 . Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Laughter

Laughter
What is laughter? What is laughter?
It is God waking up!
O it is God waking up!

It is the sun poking its sweet head out
From behind a cloud
You have been carrying too long,
Veiling your eyes and heart.

It is Light breaking ground for a great
Structure
That is your
Real body - called Truth.
It is happiness applauding itself and then taking flight
To embrace everyone and everything in this world.

Laughter is the polestar
Held in the sky by our Beloved,
Who eternally says,
"Yes, dear ones, come this way,
Come this way towards Me and Love!

Come with your tender mouths moving
And your beautiful tongues conducting songs
And with your movements - your magic movements
Of hands and feet and glands and cells - Dancing!

Know that to God's Eye,
All movement is a Wondrous Language,
And Music - such exquisite, wild Music!"
O what is laughter, Hafiz?
What is this precious love and laughter
Budding in our hearts?
It is the glorious sound
Of a soul waking up!

~ Hafiz ~